Ladies Love Thyselves

Hello. Bonjour. Howdy. And what is up, bra???I have had the pleasure of a very busy week and as a result have failed mucho on the blogging sitch. That's the trouble with making your thoughts public, there is a whole bunch of pressure heaped onto you. To make it funny. Get it in on time. Make sure you are talking about what the kids wanna hear. Except that actually I don't care about the kids. Nice talk coming from a future teacher, I know.

Back on topic, I have actually provided a rather seamless link into the topic of the day: BODIES! (from blogging to pressure to bodies...seamless i tell you!) That's right ladies (and gentlemen) the time has come. Now I know that the world is concerned with the US election (go Obama) but I wish to talk about my own personal life changes right now. Changing the world is up there on my list of things to do, don't get me wrong. But in my lowly position as a Briton, there is not much I can do at this point. It is over to you guys!!! What I CAN do is change my own world. Pull a Barack and hold on to hope. Be the change I want to see in the world and other such cheesy nuggets of wisdom (apologies for crapping all over your cretto there Ghandi - my bad!). Cheese aside (my good god blasphemy! bring on the brie) it really is all about YOU. You cannot hope to do any good on the outside if you don't feel good on the inside...but I am getting off point. My somewhat self-indulgent rant gained momentum this week as I got nearer and nearer to getting my new super-amazing, ultra-expensive, miracle drugs! (Tomorrow!!!) I was thinking back, as I oh so love to do, laughing, cringing and crying about my life since I was about 9. This is how long I have been "sick". I put "sick" in inverted commas here because I don't actually think of myself as sick. I am happy and healthy for the most part. I don't have to stop doing things I want to do usually. Getting this new medication though, will, hopefully, mean that I won't have to add usuallies or for the most parts to the end of my sentences.

Anyway, where were we...ah yes memory lane. Lots of things have happened in my life, as I am sure they have in yours, in the past 13 years or so (my god that's a long time). As today's note is sponsered by the letter B, for bodies, this is what I'm going to focus on. Get ready for some shameless talk about my body. The weak of stomach need not read further. Ha. Here goes...I have been on and off medication since I was 9. I was a skinny gangly child as you can imagine (baby giraffes a go go) but then I hit 14 and bumper steriods meant I gained a whooooole bunch of weight. And then I came off them and skinned down. Then on and up and off and skin, up and phat. You get the picture. My weight has fluxuated for a long time now. This, I believe, is one of the reasons I have never really clung onto clothing and make up as a way of expressing my identity. My body has never been the same long enough for me to really do that. (It could also be the whole not knowing what my identity was thing but that is another question for another gay-centric day!) Whatever was going on I, like the other 95% of girls (and guys) going through their teenage years, was immensly conscious of what I looked like. That said, mine is not a sad story and although yeah it was tough, it wasn't such a big of a deal as it could have been. What is the point of this ramble then, I hear you ask? Well, dear reader, I guess it is about loving yourself. In fact the new title of this note is LOVE THYSELF. Body image is such a worry for so many people. Watching my beautiful baby sister grow up, it scares the beejeezus out of me that she is about to find herself in a world no longer concerned with how much fun you are having, but how good you look. It literally breaks my heart. What is wrong with the world??? In recent studies on body image in young girls, it has been shown that they would rather be friends with a person who was attractive and skinny than one that wasn't. The term attractive here means socially acceptable attractiveness. No individuals allowed. What is up with that logic??? Hello?? My friendship with you is not based on what you look like. It is probably based on you smiling at me one day. Or dancing with me in a crazy yet oh so endearing fashion. You are probably thinking, well Lucy maybe that is just because all your friends are attractive. Yes they bloody are! But I bet a lot of them don't think so. It is absolutely crazy to me that the happiness of a persons day can depend on their ability to look as well airbrushed as the women on the front of any random magazine. I don't ever want my sister to think that she can't go anywhere or do something because she doesn't look "right". Hell it's never held me back. Sure I'm self-conscious about things, but the best times in my life have probably been when I have put all those little "flaws" into the back of my mind and said fuck it, I am who I am and if you don't like it, too bad for you. I am an awesome person and if someone wants to judge me on how i look or behave, then I probably don't want to be friends with them anyway.

I DO understand that it is also about feeling comfortable with yourself. I just wish that people wouldn't be uncomfortable if they were a few pounds more than lindsay lohan. Fuck, i'm probably two lindsay lohans put together. At least 2 standing on top of each other. I love individuals. I really do. I went out last weekend and it was like clone clone clone clone clone. My god. In protest the individual in me broke out the drunken dance moves and probably made a fool of myself. Fool? Ha. I was having fun. Oh one of my favourite quotes: the amount of happiness in your life is directly correlated with the amount of silliness you allow into it. i know. i've done studies!!! Truth. Silliness and shamelessness. Guarantee you a good night. Warning: tangent approaching....Shamlessness! Not sure if it is really a word, but hey I'm in the business of making them up these days! I have realised that I am shameless. (That being said, would it actually be called shamelessness???) I think maybe it comes from a number of sources. Firstly, my family. Sharades is like the go to game in my family. My mum also promotes the feel the fear and do it anyway attitude. Even if the fear is fear of looking like a spanner. Secondly, I am unbelievably clumsy. I would spend my entire life apologising and hiding my red face if I did not laugh it all off. Thirdly, I have been in hospital. I have had to rely on other people for everything. You learn not to be embarassed when the entire ward including patients and their families are discussing whether you have been able to go to the bathroom or not. Oh yes. Fun city!!

In an attempt to bring the strands of this ramble together; I think that loving yourself and shamelessness often go hand in hand. Because I have been in the most inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarassing situations I am pretty much set up for life. Oh I am not saying that nothing will ever embarass and shame me again, I am not an especially lucky person (or I am very lucky depending on how you look at it), I am just ready for it. And plus I need to love myself. I am special. No one else is like me (in many ways haha). No one else is like you. Thank god ;) Like my homegirl christina says: you are beautiful in every single way. Oh she is so wise. Seriously. I wish I could make every single one of the people out there believe it. I feel like you're probably thinking sure Lucy, it's easy for you to say when you are a skinny mcskin. And a tall one at that. Firstly, being tall is not everything it's cracked up to be. It is one of the things I have come to accept and now embrace about myself. Sure I have days when I subtely crouch my legs to appear shorter, but then who doesn't??? Secondly, I WAS ILL. Is it not the craziest thing in the world to you, that when I came out of hospital after not being able to walk for a month, hardly eating, being ill etc and had lost like 2 stone, that I got compliments about how I looked. They were much appreciated of course, but it is absurd that being IMACIATED (cos that's what it was) is considered attractive. ????????? WHAT??? People please. Has the world gone mad? I'm glad people can still love me when I look like wednesday adams' chubby cousin, but I think it is clear that we all need to reconsider our outlook on attractiveness. Plus there are so many more important things going on in the world. Like toffee apples (yep still on it), pirating, messy bedrooms, upside down visors. You know the people that you wanna be friends with? The people that seem like they don't care. They're not worrying about how they look or if they're doing something wrong. They're just doing it. I just gravitate towards these people. They look like they're having so much fun. Having the confidence to be like these people, to be yourself, is half the battle of this life. Be confident in who you are. And if you're not quite yet. Then fake it. Soon you will even convince yourself. Pheeeew! I feel like I have just written a manifesto, but oh so less articulatly. Hey, it could be a manifesto though. Join me people. Put two fingers (or your middle finger if you are American) up to the world that says we have to be skinny and all look the same. Sign here and get your free badge and stick of gum. Oh and we could have a song. And a handshake. And maybe Kate Winslet could play me in the movie...While I sort that out you go off and love yourself. (not like that...oh hell it's late, why not!) For now, adios, bon chance, goodbye and see ya later. Yours unashamedly,Lucy Finnie xx

NB: I recently found out that there is a secret readership of this blog. You do not have to come forward and shout it loud and proud, it's ok. Just happy to know you're sharing in my insanity. This one is for you (man i'm such a rock star!) x

Autumn Days

It has to be a good day in the universe when you realise that there are lots of things that you love in the world. Anyone who knows me even a little bit will know that I am one of those sickenly happy people who is always smiling and trying to look at things in a positive way. I know, i am a disgrace to mankind (especially the British) and should just embrace the fact that the world is shit and we are all doomed. Never! For shame. You cannot quash my spirit and other such notions of the unashamedly happy. Sing ye it over the mountain tops for sooth...yes. Exactly. Thank you oh descendent of mine (he was born and died on my birthday which means we are related) William of the Shakespeares. Or was it Julie Andrews? Either way: mountains. joy. happiness. singing. 9 perfectly groomed Austrians in lederhosen.

For those of you who have just joined us, I should probably emphasise here that I am working off of a mere 3 hours of sleep. In LucyLand this might as well mean I have been up for 3 days. Hence the slight dellerium. And lederhosen.

Anywho....things that i love today are: My little sister. Who argued with me for at least an hour about the fact that Brian from Strictly Come Dancing (who she loves) was the star of Titanic. Leo DiCaprio in disguise. She simply will not back down. Leonardo DiCaprio is on BBC1 on a Saturday night pulling that woman from M People (whaaaaat have you done today to make you feeeeeeeel proud???) round on the dance floor. When I tried to insist that he is a worldwide superstar and this would just not happen she said that I was talking about Leonardo DaVinci. And if there was any chance it wasn't Leo then he must have an identical twin. This girl is stubborn. And fantastic. (Oh and her nickname for me is Cathy. I will not explain, just think about it. And cry for me.)

The fact that I realised my name lends itself to me becoming a driving instructor. In that the L in my name could be made into an big red learner L and plastered along the side of my car. These things don't just happen by coincidence people.

Messy eating. I have always been a messy eater. As big as my mouth is, food always ends up all around my plate, all around my mouth, on the floor, on my clothes, in my hair...well you get the picture. I do not understand it. However, I embrace it. Today is the day that I say yay! Food is meant to be enjoyed. So what if there are a few crumbs on your jeans, a piece of chocolate in your eyebrow, a cheestring down your clevage that you just don't remember putting there. In the words of that song in Miss Congeniality when they are drumming with uv paint, "if everybody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other".

Autumn. Ok I admit it. I like faaaalll! I have always been a fierce advocate for the season of summer (and stand by it!) but have to admit that autumn can be kinda pretty. I think the reason why I fight so hard against it is that England doesn't really have a fall. If by fall you mean beautiful red, yellow and orange leaves scattering the ground as the sun peeks through the trees and a deer chats quietly to a passing squirrel in the woods. We have schlech. Derived from the German for "oh shit I have trodden in dog crap again cos the fucking leaves were hiding it. You bastard." Schlech is the combination of mud, rain and leaves and other assorted goodies that you have to traipse through whilst walking your dog through the English countryside. For a self-proclaimed happyist (the opposite of saddist obv!) this is very negative talk about the fine season of autumn, I hear you cry, I thought it was on the list of good things?? You are correct sir. My apologies. I like autumn because of...toffee apples mainly. I actually buy them in bulk from tescos and pretend that I am getting them for a children's halloween party. This is a lie. I know it. The cashier who sees me come in every year knows it. But she does not say anything. And I thank her for that.

In keeping with popular essay writing methods I was going to write about a few things that I did not like today. That is to present the counter argument for the day. But I say, to hell with convention. If I want to write a one sided account I will. Plus it's late and I need to sleep and I just wanna go to bed and be warm and sleep and be still and asleep...Until next time. Adieu.